Yesterday was a rough day. Nothing happened, specifically. Just a normal, ordinary day. But everything felt like too much for me. I wonder how often my boy has those days where the sound, the contact, the socialization, feels like too much but he can't tell me. *insert the crying from yesterday here* I pretended like I was fine, with the exception of one brief conversation with a  dear friend. I'm starting to feel anxious about school. About the issues we've encountered already and the worriedness I am feeling about dealing with his teachers after the tension of last year. About being able to really stand my ground and present a strong, determined face at all times. For my husband and I to be his advocates, to speak out for him, hell, for all kiddos who have a need. To be able to speak words that mean something in this broken system of ours and not just speak out of anger. To formulate sentences that have impact and worth, to help someone else, to help our child, to communicate with those who have the responsibility of being involved in his life in some way and not feel like THOSE PARENTS. Not to feel like they go " oh crap, here they come" whenever they see us. I don't want to do that but I sure as heck am going to make sure that not only my child, but every child I can is getting what they need. And that seems to make me persona non grata. Which sucks.

But. But then I remember something cool that happened this weekend. Gray loves the water. Lord help us if he doesn't have a life jacket because he is jumping in whether you are there or not. He has no fear. He goes down a water slide like its nothing. It scares the crap out of me. Taking him to swimming lessons is out of the question. He would never follow the direction so we work on it. We've tried to teach him to kick his legs, paddle his arms but he doesn't really care, he can float around in his life vest and work his way from one place to the next. And then, Saturday, all of a sudden he's kicking his legs like a pro and paddling his little arms. And then I remember. One of his former 1-1 at his private preschool took him for the day, because she asked. Because she loves him. Because she see's the wonderful little boy that we do. She asked to take him for the day. And if that wasn't close to the best day of that kids life, I don't know what was. They went swimming and he came home ecstatic. The entire evening and next day he kept telling me " bubble! Had fun!" (bubble=water). And somewhere in there she must have taught him to kick his legs or one of the other kiddos there did. And it stuck. All those times of me telling him, showing him, and he remembered because she told him. It's a beautiful thing and I can't express my gratitude to this amazing lady for just simply loving my kid. In our world where a lot of people find him perplexing, difficult, whatever, she loves him. It feels like magic to me. I'm so grateful that there are those people in education who not only love their jobs, are fantastic at their jobs, but that care enough about the kids to take him over summer break just because.

I can't stress the importance of these people enough. In my world, everything can be so scary, so unknown. Every day is different, we never know what to expect. I need those supports. I need those people who will work with him, love him, help us, reassure us, have those hard conversations about what we need to be doing and be there. The relationship of a special needs teacher should be as big with the parents as it is with the kiddo themselves. I can't do this alone. I don't know enough. I feel so uneducated on what he needs, what's best. I'm simply guessing, using my mama gut half the time. I need these champions to walk this with me, the help Brad and I make educated guesses on what step to take next. Thank God we've found one person and I'm anticipating kindergarten where I know some of the lovely ladies that will be in his classroom. I feel peace with that. I feel like they will take my frantic call when I need help. I'm so grateful for the special people we've already found to be his "team" and anticipate recruiting more, because well, my kid is awesome. Like, really awesome. And if you can't see that, maybe you're not awesome. Just sayin'.

*Image is of our pics from our church's Mothers Day photo booth. Gray thought it was the best thing EVER!